Anonymous asked: I'm asking because you posted something that said I hate myself and I want to die earlier and I just was wondering what made you say that?
Well, for one, thanks for the concern. Really.
Secondly, Nirvana is my all-time favorite band. So that’s that. (It’s a song). But still, it was on my mind for a reason.
I wouldn’t say I hate myself. The self-loathing thing is awful; I wish everyone could find their inner beauty, the inherent kindness that we are all born with—including myself. I haven’t found it just yet. I’m in constant search of that peace.
There are times where I despise what I do and say. I despise how I treat other people, sometimes, especially the ones I love. All of this turns into fear. I’m afraid of becoming everything I’ve never wanted to become. This fear turns into paranoia. I turn on myself. I turn on those around me. I get so struck with fear that I convince myself that I have already become the exact thing I wanted to avoid. It’s a sick, sick cycle, but I’m working on it.
Also, I never find myself honestly wanting to die. That’ll never be the case. I don’t think death solves anything; it’s just another step. Between our first breath and our last lies infinity, and I don’t want to skip out on any of it by cutting the road short.
I guess all I’m trying to say is that I’m human.
Anonymous asked: Hey is everything ok?
Taking a step back to look at what’s around me (a computer screen, music, posters, pictures of my loved ones, a fridge with green tea, clothes, a bed), yeah, I’d say I’m okay. How are things with you?